@SteveSackington: I feel sorry for all the responsible bulls out there minding their own business and just looking to buy some nice china.
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@icrushedmyhalo: Boss: Lunch meeting, let's go. Me: Do I have to? Boss: Free food and unlimited alcohol. Me: *moonwalks to the car*
@the_paramedicK: *proposes to girlfriend* *accidentally drops ring in the street* "I'll still marry you" Sorry, I'm married to the streets now
@Playing_Dad: [At job interview] Manager: So, do you have any questions about the job? Me: Yeah, can I have it?
@Violent2Dope304: Hamburger Helper only works if the hamburger is ready to accept that it needs help.