@KentWGraham: I feel sorry for the Phillip whose head inspired the screwdriver.
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@KKAlThani: *trips a girl and catches her* Haha looks like you're falling for me *winks* *gets slapped*
@mkpaulsen: My tinder profile says I love dogs but then on dates I elaborate that it is hot dogs and corn dogs
@BatBatshitcrazy: My ex mother in law once commented that she wished her son had stayed married to his first wife. Me too, I replied.
@KenJennings: WAYS TO KILL 2 BIRDS W/ 1 STONE 1 Ricochet 2 Retrieve, rethrow 3 Line up birds precisely 4 Huge boulder 5 Use lovebirds, 2nd dies of grief