@rolldiggity: I fill my pockets with glitter so when people ask me for money, I can turn them out to show that I'm broke, but still a little fancy.
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@UncleDuke1969: Parent/Child conversation tweets are always so cute & sweet! Thought I'd try one: 18: Can I borrow the car? Me: No Wasn't that adorable?!
@AristotlesNZ: Boss: Project's way behind. Suggestions? I'm willing to try anything. Me: *raises hand* Him: Anything but "helper monkeys" Me: *lowers hand*
@joejwest: [on Mars] ASTRONAUT: An alien! MISSION CONTROL: Ok, so A: I choke slammed it MC: What? A: Another one! MC: DO NOT CH A: [choke slam noises]