@NoogsCorner: I finally opened the condom in my wallet and it had a beard.
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@abbycohenwl: Mom: Help! Is anyone here a doctor? Vet: I treat horses but maybe i can help M: My son broke his leg! V: Ok hang on. My rifle's in the truck
@hell_doe: hey it's me, the girl who just googled "chemistry alphabet" when i meant "periodic table"
@caribdonna: My husband said I was passive aggressive so I punched him in the face and said well, you're half right.