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@NoogsCorner: I finally opened the condom in my wallet and it had a beard.
@AaronFullerton: "Mom, look! Look! Are you watching, Mom?!"
@lawblob: I don't need the government telling me how to raise my kids
@KeithAshers: Being bitten by a radioactive spider made Peter Parker suddenly fluent in karate & gymnastics...you know, just like a real spider.
@BuckyIsotope: All the toys under the tree
Have now gone
You’ve been hit by
You’ve been struck by
Reverse Santa Claus
@amandamull: Adulthood is just constantly trying to get rid of a faint headache