@TheMichaelRock: I forgot my work ethic at home today, but I did remember to bring my shenanigans and debauchery.
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@krissywillbretz: Brain: stop eating! Me: why B: you'll get fat M: so? B: there's only enough vodka to catch a buzz on an empty stomach! M: oh *stops eating*
@treywafer: Dear white people: you stop Adam Sandler from making movies and we'll stop Eddie Murphy.
@bourgeoisalien: pretty jealous of bears. they're like, "well, just ate my entire weight in salmon, now I'm gonna sleep for 6 months. smell ya later, hater"