@sucittaM: I found $80 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy Nerf guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, Nerf guns and candy".
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@LoneWolfStories: Damn you autocorrect for making me look like an idiom. Always trying to make a tool out of me.
@DebHawk12: On a first date when we are sharing a dessert, I like to feed him. Using the airplane technique and noises. Update: I'm Still single.
@rolldiggity: 1. Put on clown shoes. 2. Sit in toilet stall with feet pulled up. 3. Wait for someone to enter other stall. 4. Slowly lower feet to floor
@007Pepe_Rex: Top 3 questions asked by my parents: 3) How's the business? 2) Do you have a girlfriend? 1) Why are you stealing from our refrigerator?