@causticbob: I found a cure for my debilitating cancer. I dumped her and started to see a capricorn instead.
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@mishakey: I can't help but notice that the Ninja Turtles never wash their hands before eating pizza in the sewer.
@Moochava: Yearly reminder: unless you're over 60, you weren't promised flying cars. You were promised an oppressive cyberpunk dystopia. Here you go.
@Kathleen_McGee: The cool thing about being broke is you can tell your friends you aren't drinking for a while & they think you're getting your shit together
@FlyoverJoel: The five years of life you gain by eating healthy are spent preparing healthy food.