@causticbob: I found a cure for my debilitating cancer. I dumped her and started to see a capricorn instead.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SaraESpivey: My boss just farted. I asked him if he was trying to get the condom out. He's mad now.
@mommy_cusses: Me: Whatcha doin'? 5: Whatcha doin'? Me: Are you copying me? 5: Are you copying me? Me: I'm adopted 5: I'm adop- WHAT?
@carlyken: Met a cute guy at the gym we like all the same movies and he loved my shoes. We have a movie date tonight and he's bringing his boyfriend.