@tastefactory: I found a spider in my shoes. He looks ridiculous, they're way too big for him.
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@robdelaney: Always have a fake name at the ready so you don't tell the cops something stupid, like "Andrew Granola."
@007Rex_Inc: Role playing didnt go so well last night. She was the hot sexy teacher and I the rebel student..so I ditched class. Cause schools for nerds.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Teen: Your outfit is on fleek! Me: (confused) Yeah well your MOM is on fleek. Teen: (smiles) Thank you! Me: God damn it.
@senorwinces: If you watch Intervention backwards, it's about a person partying hard after an awful family reunion.