@gigglegirlnoel: I found the cure to obesity, but then I ate it.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Saying Trump can't be an antisemite because his daughter converted to Judaism is like saying he can't be sexist because he married a woman.
@CulturedRuffian: No thanks Facebook Live, if I wanted to see people doing stupid things in real time I'd just go visit my family.
@PabloGSerski: Since joining Twitter, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.