@gigglegirlnoel: I found the cure to obesity, but then I ate it.
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@LeagueofNope: No thanks, people who hum to themselves. I've seen enough horror movies to know that you probably just killed someone or you're possessed.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: You're supposed to be taking a nap 4-year-old: I am Me: Then why are you standing here? 4-year-old: Me: 4-year-old: This is a dream
@underchilde: Sorry I totaled your car. I saw your kid made the honor roll, so I let go of the wheel to applaud.
@offbeatoliv: When skiing it's always good to keep a photo i.d. on you in case they need to identify the body.