@gigglegirlnoel: I found the cure to obesity, but then I ate it.
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@brianbowman73: There's a doctor here to see you. Doctor who? No, I think it's a non time traveling one.
@Parker_Simpson: Studies show that people who start a sentence with "studies show..." have no clue what they're talking about
@Schmoodles: I can never remember if it's "laying" or "lying." Anyway, I hit a dude with my car and he's doing one of them in the middle of the road. :(
@PRESTONinCOLOR: Texts from mom: Thanks to the supreme court, now it's not just women who won't marry you.