@Darlainky: I FREAKING SWEAR!! IF I HAVE TO TELL YOU ONE MORE TIME WHAT AN EASY-GOING, PATIENT, AND CHILL PERSON I AM, I'M GONNA LOSE IT!!!!
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@TheToddWilliams: [dinner, my place] "This tastes like pork?" ME: You asked for a nice swine "No, a nice wine" ME: Oh, okay…you still want the crap cakes?
@hazelmotes1: It seems to me that if you can afford a barrel and a pair or suspenders you can afford a pair of pants.
@LaceyNycole: 2-year-old: *points to my belly* Baby! Me: Yep, there's a baby in there! Will you love it? 2: I eat it. Well that escalated quickly.