@merican_ninjy: I gave my wife a tip how she could wash the dishes better.
On a side note, Dawn detergent is really starting to make my hands more soft.
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@Hunter_GrahamJ: Group projects are the best
@Maxine12333: If ex asks you to go bungee jumping remember, cord goes around feet not neck, no matter what they tell you.
@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Know why I stopped you? Me: Cuz you SMELLED THIS DONUT? *tosses donut out window* Cop: ... Me: Aren't you gonna go get- Cop: Get out.
@becks_bradley: As it turns out, "harder" is a horrible safe word.
@Pork_Chop_Hair: (6yo son sweetly tracing my face with his fingers at bedtime) 6: Just be still, Momma. I'm pretending to shave off your eyebrows.
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