@ClearlyUnwell: I gave my wife my email address but she keeps on speaking directly to me.
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@mattsurely: [couch shopping] Wife: Eh, you married to it? *a bead of sweat trickles down my brow as I hope she doesn't notices the couch's wedding ring*
@khook32: Apparently telling the principal that "it's not cheating, it's cooperative learning" was the wrong thing to say.
@joeljeffrey: I found out blowing in the dogs face makes her stop barking. I tried the same thing on my wife to make her stop yelling and she bit me.