@paranoidplastic: i get in my bubble bath with clenched fists to make me look more manly
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@shariv67: "You know how when birds fly in a V formation one side is always longer?" "Yeah. Why is that?" "There are more birds on that side."
@Quartzjixler: I was late so I shoved a whole taco into my mouth. It was a sight to behold based on the facial expression of the lady in the adjacent car.
@Tmoney68: At my funeral, I'm stipulating in my will that after the eulogy is read the crowd can have 15 minutes for rebuttal, just to be fair.
@ibid78: [good cop] admit you stole those diamonds [suspect] wait but I peed on them so now they're mine [dog cop] Jim he has a point