@pseudo_fred: I get my hair cut twice a week. Mostly because I love capes.
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@Nikkeya08: Mom 1: My son loves gluten free chips. Mom 2: Asher eats everything organic. Me: My son had a chocolate donut and a booger for breakfast.
@CoolCamel69: Son, I found some drugs in your backpack "Dad I swear they're not mine" DAMMIT SUSAN, THEY ARENT HIS. 1st time we were proud and you blew it
@lilnatebigworld: "Wow, that milk is spoiled!" *milk drives by in a fancy car his parents bought him*
@Book_Krazy: ME: [whispering]"Yes, 911? Someone's breaking into my house!" 911: Stay calm. Do you have an address? ME: "um no. I have on pajamas"