@dreamthievin: I get out of awkward dinner party convos by telling people it's my first outing since the psychiatrist declared me unfit to stand trial
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Marlebean: I'm nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.
@JediGigi: Mom asked me what it's like being a single middle aged woman so I took a handful of cat & dog hair from my purse and threw it in her coffee.
@beefman138: A coworker just told me that "it is what it is" and I have never felt so enlightened.
@EllenPallas: Life tip - buy a birthday card with your morning bottle of wine and people will think it's a gift. You are welcome.