@dreamthievin: I get out of awkward dinner party convos by telling people it's my first outing since the psychiatrist declared me unfit to stand trial
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@bea_ker: [guy bursts into crowded real estate agents] OK NOBODY MOVE *from back office* Aw c'mon man - really? It's tough enough in this economy.
@jimmytorosian: An excerpt from my self help book, "How to Get Rich Quick" Chapter 1: Write a self help book about how to get rich quick The End
@ClichedOut: [Sesame Street casting] Exec: ok, what kid role models do we have A grouch, cookie addict, and 2 jobless roommates Exec: Nice, let's roll