@TheTweetOfGod: I giveth, and I taketh away. Why? Because I recycleth.
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@Elizasoul80: [God creating mosquitoes] "I wonder how I could get everyone to spray chemicals on themselves and also slap their own faces."
@Midgetspar: I received a basketball in the mail from Amazon. I haven't played basketball in 20 years but apparently drunk me thinks I'm Michael Jordan.
@boring_as_heck: Shit. Damn it. A bumper sticker just changed my entire worldview, again. This happens like 3 times a day.