@TheTweetOfGod: I giveth, and I taketh away. Why? Because I recycleth.
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@SortaBad: "President Clinton, can you respond to rumors of renewed infidelity?" The only woman in my life is my darling *squints at notecard* Hitlery
@thetits: [in the park] ME: aww look a baby WIFE: is it on me?! ME: um no it's in a stroll- WIFE: *swatting herself* I FEEL LIKE IT'S ON ME
@LeagueofNope: I have never once hit a drink or treated one badly so don't tell me about alcohol abuse!
@GabbbarSingh: The only entities which will survive a nuclear holocaust will be the c**kroaches and a book packed by Flipkart.