@TheTweetOfGod: I giveth, and I taketh away. Why? Because I recycleth.
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@KevinBuffalo: My wife is: 1) Am amazing mom and a great friend 2) Still the most beautiful girl I've ever been with 3) Now following me on Twitter
@Elizasoul80: [God creating mosquitoes] "I wonder how I could get everyone to spray chemicals on themselves and also slap their own faces."
@SwirlySkittles: Playing Tubular Bells to end the baptism wasn't quite the closing my aunt was looking for but in my defense it did clear out the church.