@ZachXJ: i go to a lot of married ladies' funerals and play the part of an upset lover just to mix things up and for free shrimp
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@david8hughes: [job int] "Under skills u put 'not being afraid of pigeons'." [nervously shifts in chair] "That's right. Why? Do any pigeons work here?"
@Cheeseboy22: I always cary a clump of my hair in my pocket so when people say, "I like your haircut", I can respond with, "Thanks. Here, have some."
@MandiAtRandom: Don't describe two completely different things as "apples and oranges" they're both fruit Say something like "elephants and crystal meth"