@charstarlene: I can't wait to get married and communicate my disdain solely through aggressive dishwashing.
@WheelTod: *First day as a spy
Boss: Did you bug the Russian Embassy?
Me:Oh yes.
At Russian Embassy:
"Boris, where did all these damn ants come from?"
@gorrdano: I understand if you aren't religious, I respect that. But you don't have to get all rude when I ask to use your first born as a sacrifice.
@envydatropic: WHY ARE THEY STILL PLAYING CHRISTMAS COMMERCIALS?
Me watching recorded TV shows
@HlaoRoo: Remember when you used Twitter to update friends & family on where you were, & what you were doing?
Yeah, me neither.
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