@iGreenMonk: I got a dog and named it "Twenty Miles". This way I can tell people that I walk twenty miles everyday.
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@hippieswordfish: [1st date] *stuffing face* sorry i eat a lot when im nervous 'u know ur eating a candle right?' yah *points to napkin* u gonna finish that
@TheBoydP: Me: Show me a pan that didn't get clean the first time and I will show you a pan that needs to soak.. Wife: STOP TWEETING AND WASH THE PAN!
@yenniwhite: The hardest part of parenting is sharing the chocolate chip cookies. And your heart walking around outside your body. But mainly cookies.