@SarahFemme: I got a free wallet and watch today. It's like this gun is magic.
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@brian_bilston: There once was a poet on Twitter who grew increasingly bitter. He couldn't surmount the strict character count and so his poems got even shi
@JohnLyonTweets: I thought this house was haunted by a ghost but it turned out it was Bruce Willis the whole time. Also, I broke into Bruce Willis' house.