@Philosopherbing: I got a new vacuum that sucks so much, it was directed by M. Night Shamalayan
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@RedheadChaos: Officer, I swear there is a simple explanation.. ~me standing in the street with no pants, one sock and a turkey baster in my hand
@charliedelta7: One day, someone will call me sir without adding "I think we're going to have to ask you to leave."
@funnybeachgirl: I remember 9 months before I was born, I went to a party with dad and left with mom.
@AristotlesNZ: OH GOD! BOB IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK! QUICK SOMEONE CALL A TEMP AGENCY. I'M SURE AS HELL NOT DOING ALL HIS WORK.