@Philosopherbing: I got a new vacuum that sucks so much, it was directed by M. Night Shamalayan
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@GrantTanaka: I keep a knife in my Bible so if someone wants to kill me, I ask to read it & when I get to the 6th Commandment, I stab them in the face.
@_wangwe: Hold the door for your girlfriend. Listen to the door. Tell the door everything will be okay. Leave your girlfriend for the door.
@MrEd_EVH: Ate a bowl of Captain Crunch Berries this morning. With blatant disregard for the roof of my mouth. -thug life
@01CandyQueen: I hate when people say, "You barely touched your food" like what do you want me to do stroke it?