@Philosopherbing: I got a new vacuum that sucks so much, it was directed by M. Night Shamalayan
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@SuperJuanderer: If a spider attacks you, you should play dead. No, wait... that's for a bear. If a spider attacks a bear, you should play dead.
@brennadine: At bedtime I read my daughter a few of my favorite RTs, tuck her in & whisper, "This is why we don't talk to strangers on the internet."
@causticbob: Just heard that someone has started digging Fidel Castro's grave.. Must be a communist plot.
@SamGrittner: *goes to pond* *duck hands me $100* "Give me the hard stuff." *hands over bag of croutons*