@Philosopherbing: I got a new vacuum that sucks so much, it was directed by M. Night Shamalayan
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@electrolemon: to discover what's going on with justin bieber we caught up with his manager scooter braun, who is named after two different types of razors
@Mr_Kapowski: My wife and I have an agreement with our 7 year old daughter Don't wake us up early on the weekend and we won't abandon you in a mall
@Schmoodles: I ate a big cheeseburger for lunch and my heart started going really fast, so I'm counting it as an hour at the gym.
@AnkCoupleTO: Just saw Samuel L. Jackson order a couple of bagels. He paid for them and said thank you so basically now my whole life is ruined