@Philosopherbing: I got a new vacuum that sucks so much, it was directed by M. Night Shamalayan
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@NicestHippo: [guy who named the bedroom gets home] Honey? Our son got in trouble at the learnroom. His teacher called while I was driving in my wheelsbox
@dafloydsta: BOSS: We need to look in the mirror and see where we can improve. ME: *to Gary, who I suspect is a vampire* Go ahead, Gary. You first.
@Book_Krazy: THERAPIST: Well, if you know what's good for you... ME: [Holds up hand] "Let me stop you right there"