@Philosopherbing: I got a new vacuum that sucks so much, it was directed by M. Night Shamalayan
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@Writepop: "Eighty-seven percent of people think lasers are friggin' awesome." - Pew Pew Pew Research Center
@KrazykurtKurt: ME: "I don't want sex tonight" GIRLFRIEND: "ok" Reverse phycology doesn't work on women.
@Steelers1972: If you don't have a dog whistle, you can use two teenage girls who have not seen each other in forever.
@PuncherJetpack: I've been stealing retainers and throwing them in a swamp so that in 1000 or so year archeologists think it's an ancient nerd burial ground