@Quartzjixler: I got fired from the church nursery for racing the babies.
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@IGotsSmarts: Everybody wants to change the world, but no one can find a diaper that's big enough.
@TwoSapphiresBlu: Daughter: Why don't kids at school get my sarcastic humor? Me: Because they have boring parents, darling.
@ChrisIsJoking: It's weird they report fantasy football during Sports Center. That's like the local news telling us how your SimCity is doing.