@Quartzjixler: I got fired from the church nursery for racing the babies.
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@charliedelta7: I taught my 4yo how to spell 'beer' so he'll stop bringing me Pepsi from the fridge.
@trevso_electric: If you want to keep a secret from me, write it and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
@lloydrang: People who tweet about politics should have to pass a small test: if i say "Oh, look, a dead bird," and you look UP, we take your phone away
@mostunladylike: Mugger *shows knife* Crocodile Dundee "No this is a knife" *pulls out huge knife* Alanis Morrisette "Hang on" *sifts through 10,000 spoons*