@FaisalAdam_: I got kicked out of the procrastinators club when I showed up for our first meeting..
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@jake_likes_naps: Her: are you single? [flashback to 2011 where I tried to kiss a girl but she turned away and I kissed her cheek] Me: haha idk
@ladybroseph: Beyonce is a great actress because there is no way she has the time or energy to have the kind of sex she sings about.
@marcia_bee: Coworker: I lost my phone. Me: WHAT? CW: I don't know where it is. M:*perplexed look* You're not glued to it like a NORMAL person? Freak!