@kathradical: I got my first period during Shrek 2 live in theaters which means I entered Shrek 2 a child & left a woman
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@kentgrossarth: Girlfriend: Have you ever been with a fat chick? Me: Nope, you're the first one. Gf: What? Me: What?
@shesananteater: My phone just changed, 'calendar' to 'cake radar' and now I really wish I had that.
@amishschool: Guy stole my identity this week and I'm like I HAVE A FAMILY YOU HAVE TO TAKE THEM TOO