@imteddybless: I got myself a wrap on my way home at 2am & a girl outside stopped me and said “my boyfriend’s stormed off. do you want his chips?” and she gave them to me and got in her uber alone and sped away into the night. i miss her.
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@jonnysun: INTERVIEWER: when u read a good book, wat kind of things do u pictur in ur head ME: [pausimg for a split second too long] words
@ClichedOut: (first date) Her: I work in a science lab. Me: (trying to impress) I donated my brain for research.
@Steven37366100: Stealthily I approach the deer, removing an arrow from my quiver Deer: I can see you AND you’re literally saying that out loud