@trevso_electric: I got this "breathe" tattoo on my wrist because I don't have a central nervous system and it's a helpful reminder.
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@E_lok44: The biggest problem with prison is that you can only rearrange your cell in so many ways because of where the toilet is.
@Reverend_Scott: WORM 911: what's ur emergency FLATWORM: I CUT MYSELF BAD WORM 911: u need medical help? FLATWORM: wait, there's 2 of me now. we're good.
@Bearslietoo: Saw a squirrel get hit by a car earlier.Felt kinda bad,but I don't think the squirrel gave a shit that the Smart Car was totaled.
@ambamthankyamam: My life coach just asked me leave because apparently she has "other pedicures to do" and doesn't "speak English".