@pharmasean: I grew up in a very sheltered household. Our house had 17 roofs. We had alcoves upon alcoves. I wore a tarp wherever I went.
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@Fred_Delicious: If I had a time machine I'd alter the Big Bang Theory pilot episode so all the characters exploded in the very first scene
@HumorParasite: Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
@Six_Pack_Mom: Me, to kids: "Yes, I'll play, as soon as I finish my coffee." (Genius! We all know parents never get to actually finish a cup of coffee.)
@djdarrellripley: I took my dog to see "Fifty Shades Of Grey" and he loved it. Which surprised me because he hated the book...