@omgthatspunny: I had a little bird, her name was enza, I opened up the window and influenza.
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@KeetPotato: [paddling along the amazon silently in a kayak] wife: "it's so beautiful" me: "can you believe they named this after a website?"
@kbnoswag: Me: I want ice cr- Girl who studied abroad: the gelato in Italy is soooo much better than ice cream. Trust me, I've been to Italy
@Mr_Kapowski: Advertised as a "Cougar Cruise" Reality - Weight loss cruise where live cougars are released & you spend your vacation fleeing large cats
@Amazon_Blonde: 911 what is your emergency? Me: "My 6 year old hasn't stopped talking since he got home" 911: "stay calm ma.. Me: MY EARS ARE BLEEDING