@Smooheed: I had beer at lunchtime and now I think I might be sitting in the wrong office
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@envydatropic: Surround yourself with people who will groom your eyebrows should you ever become comatose
@mjkspeaks: [interview] HIM: have u ever bribed anyone? ME: *pulls a package of OREO's from briefcase and slides across table* depends on who's asking
@lisaxy424: 4th grade student: How old are you? Me: Quite a bit older than you. Student: So like 23? Me: Deal. Tell all your friends.