@ashleycrem: I had children for two reasons; I wanted to start a loving family, and I needed a quick excuse to leave things.
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@Wuttercuerk: "Hi I'm here to interview for the branch manager position." "We're only hiring tree trimmers." "That's exactly what I just said."
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Beauty & the Beast 2 is just 90 minutes of Belle and the prince shopping for new furniture after it all turned back into people.
@SteveSuckington: I used to brag that my dad worked in the food court. I thought he was a food lawyer. Shoulda wondered why a lawyer would wear a sbarro shirt