@BritXNic: I had some food stuck in my teeth and now I'm an international beatboxing champion.
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@bobvulfov: BANK ROBBER: ok hands in the air. nobody move. slide to the left. slide to the right. take it back now y'all. one hop this time
@AndyAsAdjective: Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, "You gotta bring it today!" SO I'M GONNA BRING IT! *brings lunch to work*
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Coworker: By your age I was on my 3rd child already. Me: Wow that's a lot of kids to eat in a such a short period of time.
@juliussharpe: Oscar Pistorius has the worst alibi ever. Who the hell would break into your house to rob your bathroom?