@iNusku: I had this one night stand, and the next morning I felt so guilty I bought another one for the other side of the bed.
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@JulieSnark: Pepsi and Coke can't even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
@meganamram: I never give homeless people drugs because I know they're just going to trade them for food
@IamEnidColeslaw: That awkward moment when I tried starting a slow clap in the hospital after my uncle died.