@iNusku: I had this one night stand, and the next morning I felt so guilty I bought another one for the other side of the bed.
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@iAmDelFreaky: I set up a life size mousetrap in my front yard, but instead of cheese as bait, I used a fedora. Death toll: 17 hipsters and a curious cat.
@Tmoney68: I'm sorry, I don't have the energy to walk a mile in your shoes. I'm just going to go ahead & judge you.
@DropsNoPanties: Barista: Did you hear Netflix is raising its price $2 a month? Me: Ridiculous! I won't pay it! B: here's your coffee. $12.32 M: thank you
@StephenBCramer: The bible says you can't buy your way into heaven but there isn't a church in the country that won't encourage you to try.