@notfolu: I had to delete Facebook because I liked too many pictures of dogs yesterday and now the newsfeed algorithm thinks I care about those people
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@zoeklar: my friend told me on first dates i should just "be myself" and "be confident" and i was like "ok but which one?"
@WookieOnUnicorn: How do I feel about your goatee? I shave every part of my legs except the knees, how do you feel about that?
@gmossii: My dog understands four words: his name, food, outside and Antidisestablishmentarianism.