@2tickytacky: I had to memorize a random 18 digit password before she'd let me in. Guess who stole your Soap Opera Digest out of the mailbox, Mom?
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@aprilmaywilson: Apparently it's 'inappropriate' to show up at your therapist's home to swim in her new pool even though your 'boundary issues' paid for it.
@CulturedRuffian: INSTRUCTIONS FOR FITTED SHEETS: 1) Know when to hold em. 2) Know when to fold em. 3) Know when to walk away. 4) Know when to run.
@NamestartswithZ: I'm starting to wonder if I really am the ideal size and weight to test the town catapult or if the other townsfolk simply don't like me.
@MarfSalvador: teacher: your son was caught smoking pot me: did he say where he got it? teacher: yes, his best friend me: [tearing up] he really said that?