@2tickytacky: I had to memorize a random 18 digit password before she'd let me in. Guess who stole your Soap Opera Digest out of the mailbox, Mom?
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@TheRealRHB: I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
@Thynebear: *calls into work* "yo boss i'm real sick" "you don't sound sick..." "ya, just got a new tribal tat & heelys" "wow u do sound hella sick"
@causticbob: What does a corpse and snow have in common? They are both cold and are hilarious to throw at unsuspecting children.
@joeldanger: My parents told me as a kid that R&B stood for ribbons and bows so when I heard Barry White in their bedroom I left them alone to do crafts.