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@thepunningman: I HAD
THE TIME OF MY LIFE
AND I NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE
@andylassner: Were there this many idiots before the Internet?
@eXentRic_: Holy Communion:
PRIEST:"This is the body of Christ. Take it "
ME:"Uum,can I instagram it first?"
*We laughed & then I was excommunicated*
@markleggett: 1- Buy a big padlock.
2- Throw the key into the ocean.
3- Find a stranger with stretched-out earlobes.
4- Attach padlock to earlobe.
@myonlymizztake: I got a text from an unknown number that said "Game on."
It's either a wrong number, or someone wants to wear my skin like a suit.
@Underchilde: I like long walks on the beach and lying about being married.