@jakob_huber: "I hate hashtags!" Dad screams as he smashes his #1 Dad coffee mug against a wall.
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@hazelmotes1: Son, I grew up in a golden age when the bookstore didn't have an entire section labeled "Teen Paranormal Romance."
@ObscureGent: Can't go to sleep. I'm not sure if I should blame the cup of coffee I had at noon or vintage clown doll sitting at the foot of my bed.
@WilliamAder: "Damn you, Autocorrect!!!!" - Mark Zuckerberg, who had intended to announce that he was giving away 99% of his socks