@jakob_huber: "I hate hashtags!" Dad screams as he smashes his #1 Dad coffee mug against a wall.
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@Tmoney68: As the fridge door was about to shut, I grabbed pizza & barely got my arm out before it closed. *Legally changes name to Indiana Jones*
@anjeanettec: The best thing about being over 25 is that no one can find embarrassing Youtube videos of you as a kid.
@LimeyTheGreat: Panty-less waxed woman hanging off a bridge "I'm gonna jump into that canoe". Me: "No that's your reflection".