@mattZillaaaa: I hate it when all of North America tells me I exaggerate
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@HomeProbably: The circus serves as a great analogy for marriage. You're either walking the tightrope or holding a chair because you told her to calm down.
@CourtneyBale: To their credit, selfie sticks may be the only proof future archaeologists have to dispute the notion cameras grew directly out of our arms
@seethenare: If you're a couple who sit on the same side of the booth, I'mma slide into the empty seat and eat your fries. Stop creeping everyone out.
@Dawn_M_: Strangers get so paranoid when they catch you stirring a mysterious powder into their drink.