@RamblingMachine: I hate it when crazy people say Poseidon told them they are the ninja turtles and I don't even remember I told them so.
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@gobmentcheese: Lying dead in a closed coffin at my funeral, and yet somehow I still manage to spill mustard on my shirt.
@singing_ghosts: [texting in 1918] *pigeon delivers message* *msg reads: I don't love you* *turns to u* why would u send this? "it was 6 days ago. I was mad"