@RamblingMachine: I hate it when crazy people say Poseidon told them they are the ninja turtles and I don't even remember I told them so.
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@Kyle_Lippert: DATING IN THE 1800s 1) Get telegram from Mae 2) Wait to respond. Don't be desperate 3) Get telegram that Mae died of dysentery while waiting
@iLikeCatShirts: Star Wars is just like regular wars except you fall in love with your sister and your dad chops your arm off.
@Kernsti: I'm always terrified when someone knocks on the door while I'm home alone as if murderers and burglars knock first
@iwearaonesie: [on the phone] wife: My mom tripped over the dog me: Is she ok? wife: Yeah me: Can I talk to her? wife: Sure *calls for the dog*