@jjax44: I hate it when I forget to cut the tags off my sandwich and everyone's like "New sandwich?"
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@DrDogMD: DR DOG: We need to talk about your weight. PATIENT: I'm not fat. I'm just big boned. DR DOG: *drooling everywhere* Just how big exactly?
@juliussharpe: How about instead of shaking hands we nod at each other and that way we both won't have to wash our hands?
@longwall26: I scream. You scream. We all scream. We're being chased by bears. Life is a nightmare.
@qwertying: Like a true gentlemen, I always put women and children first. I hate walking into spiderwebs...