@girlontapas: I hate it when I want wine and the wine home delivery man hasn't been invented yet.
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@nbadag: PASTOR: and the lord said unto us—can u stop please? it's very distracting ME: [bouncing up & down on yoga ball] i don't think he said that
@doktorj: "Vintage designer purses are not a retirement plan," says my accountant while rubbing his temples.
@EndhooS: Gunman: Put ur hands in the air. Now wave them like you just don't care. YOU STILL CARE [shoves gun in guys mouth] SHOW SOME UTTER DISREGARD