@TimJohnish: I hate it when you tell someone a lie to sound interesting and then you have to keep it up for several years because you married them.
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@Black__Elvis: For years I thought that my wife was repulsed by me but as it turns out she just doesn't put out on the first marriage.
@daemonic3: Here you go, Merry Christmas! "Dad, why'd you wrap our gifts in soft fabric?" Because I wanted to make- Mom: NO DON'T My presents felt