@TimJohnish: I hate it when you tell someone a lie to sound interesting and then you have to keep it up for several years because you married them.
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@ChrisStephensMD: Is it safe for Ryan Gosling to wink at a girl that's already pregnant or does it like, poke the baby?
@TheTalkingPipe: I accidentally opened the fitness app on my phone for the first time ever. It just began pointing at me & laughing.
@Kyle_Lippert: Me: Hey. Nice Honda. Him: It's an Acura. Me: All Asian cars look alike. Him: You're racist. Me: I bet your Toyota is good at math.
@MoneypennyNaked: Me: I just need some time alone, please. *closes door* - Ma'am, if you're not trying on clothes, we'll need you to leave the dressing room.