@SteveDutzy: I hate killing bugs so instead I spend hours trying to get it in a cup so I can toss it outside after accidentally taking off 3 of its legs.
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@Smethanie: My 8-year-old just offered me leftover cashews from his lunch, asking "Do you want these nuts?" and I'm not mature enough to be a parent.
@aka_fatman: I start undressing you with my eyes. About halfway through, your zipper gets caught on my cornea and I start screaming in agony.