@Erroneous_Me: I hate my job, but it pays for my alcohol, and I need the alcohol, because I hate my job.
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@tastefactory: [turns to date during movie where bank robbers laugh & toss money around motel room] They won't be laughing when it's time to pick it all up
@NiceLittleWife: When I go to Victoria's Secret, I just throw things on the floor to see how they'll really look.
@LackOfShame: "You have 15 seconds to convince me of why I should call you back. Good luck." - my voicemail message
@ThisOneSayz: Me: Listen, I brush and I floss!! You won't find anything!! Cop: It's not that kind of cavity search, ma'am.