@Erroneous_Me: I hate my job, but it pays for my alcohol, and I need the alcohol, because I hate my job.
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@stockejock: What do we want? ROCK HARD ABS! When do we want them? THE DAY AFTER THE HOLIDAYS ARE OVER!
@SardonicTart: [Job Interview] How would you describe your time management skills? Me: Can we talk about this later? I'm late for an appointment.
@bingowings14: Shazam but for telling you the name of someone who's only just been introduced to you 5 minutes ago but you weren't listening.
@Fred_Delicious: Date - "I really dig intellectuals" Me - "oh yeah? well check this out babe" [counts to 17]