@qwertying: I hate people who say 'Age is just a number' — Age is clearly a word.
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@david8hughes: [phone rings] "We've removed your son's missing picture from our milk cartons." "You found him?" "No, people stopped buying milk."
@Firawesome: I told you I'm busy! Who are you going to believe, me or the last 20 tweets I posted?
@sixfootcandy: Sorry I sprayed bug spray in your face. Those fake eyelashes scared the hell out of me.