@BrownBoxers: No cop can catch a kid on a 10 speed. -every 80s movie with cops chasing kids on 10 speeds.

@Deurb1: She sent me a text saying she wearing something special for me... but every time I ask her what, she says ~ Nothing.

@vladchoc: I don't need people. I have potato chips. And unlike people you can enjoy them and then legally throw their crumpled remains into a campfire

@pharmasean: Macklemore was pretty far ahead of me in terms of self-awareness. When I was in the third grade I literally thought I might be a thundercat.

@OrangeFact: Apples are actually bad for your health! Scientists have discovered that everyone who ate an Apple during the 15th Century is now dead.