@KimmyMonte: I hate when boxing announcers say a boxer is "down for the count." I don't care that he loves Dracula I just want to know who's winning.
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@captainkalvis: me: thank you for that glass of milk earlier sperm bank employee: what glass of milk me: the glass of milk that was sitting on your desk sperm bank employee: oh my god me: what sperm bank employee: you drank my glass of milk
@ObscureGent: [1st date] Him: Do you like magic? Her: I LOVE MAGIC Him: klatu barada nikto! [Woman’s dead grandpa emerges from the ground] Her: *Screams* Him: Oh, so you meant you like illusions.
@drinksmcgee: Apparently, using a french fry and an onion ring to simulate how I wanted the rest of the evening to go wasn't the most romantic move ever.