@KKAlThani: I hate when I decide to sleep and my brain goes like "Come back here! Remember that thing you did, why?" & we stay up talking about it.
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@jpeek01: Cute girl in the office sees me do something with my left hand Her: oh. You're left-handed too *I pretend to be left-handed for next 5 yrs
@Darlainky: "Sorry about this, but I ran out of allergy medicine and it's spring," I say to the frightened pharmacy clerk through my hazmat suit.