@NotJPo: I hate when I get so stoned that I can barely feel my legs and arms and antlers and wings.
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@panmidwest: ME: I still suck my thumb at night, yesterday I called my landlady "mom" JUDGE: you only have to tell the truth about questions you're asked
@TheBoydP: The best thing about being an accountant is that everyone assumes you’re not a psychopath.
@omgthatspunny: My girlfriend always gets her way by pretending she's sad. She's an expert in sighcology.