@TheCatWhisprer: I hate when I go to unbutton my pants because they're too tight and they're already unbuttoned.
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@djdarrellripley: Doctor: Alright, your gonna feel a little prick on your hand. Me: If I feel a little prick on my hand somebody's getting sued...
@rad_milk: the famous shower scene in Psycho is crazy. she turns on the water & just let's it hit her in the face before testing it with her hand first
@TheAlexNevil: I gave a man a fish. I taught a man to fish. Fish aren't all that happy with me right now.
@SirEviscerate: How to lose 12 lbs in 7 agonizing seconds: Step 1: Make sure the wood chipper is all gassed up.
@Reverend_Scott: "Can I take your order?" Wait, take it where? "No, not-" I haven't even given you my order yet "I mean-" WHERE ARE YOU TAKING MY ORDER
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