@TheCatWhisprer: I hate when I go to unbutton my pants because they're too tight and they're already unbuttoned.
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@NicCageMatch: My dog is starting a food blog where she writes about the delicious flavors of the various paper napkins she finds and eats.
@Mr_Kapowski: Coworker: I couldn't sleep. Just thinking all night Me: Maybe try doing some of that here in the office during the day
@Jenny4ashley: Who cares if you break a damn mirror. If you think 7 years of bad luck is hell, try breaking a condom.
@DearAnyone: A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.