@inigoomontoya: I hate when I miss the garbage truck and just have to throw trash in the neighbors hot tub again
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@MikeCanRant: There is no law that says you can't smoke celery inside public places. What are they gonna do? Ask you to extinguish your celery? Doubtful.
@KeetPotato: [on date] girl: "id like to if i met mr right, how bout you? have you ever been married" henry the eighth: "our food sure is taking a while"
@noog: *lil wayne begins typing lyrics into mocrosoft word* *paperclip pops onto screen* Do you mean "digger"?