@Tups13: I hate when I think of a great tweet and discover someone did it already. It's like that time I invented the wheelbarrow.
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@JaySuch: My son wanted to go to Disney, but I told him little boys who ruin marriages don't go to Disney.
@iheartgunts: Phil Collins' "In The Air Tonight" is the best ever song about a silent but deadly fart.
@TheAlexP: Karate classes... Because breaking boards on your head is all cool and shit if a House ever starts attacking you.